i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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