If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
