just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize