What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
