you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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