Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
high people should be assigned attendants
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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