I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
