I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
