im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
