Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
