Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
