Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
They are going to name an STD after you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
