I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
