He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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