I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
