me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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