We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
