looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Boobs speak an international language.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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