I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
