I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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