Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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