i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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