Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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