I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
