I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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