Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
