Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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