he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
