A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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