Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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