the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
