So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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