Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you traded sex for a burrito?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
