Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
