I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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