If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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