I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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