I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
