I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
