were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
