All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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