So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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