Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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