i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
