You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
