Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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