Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
