I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
