sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
