It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
