i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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