You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
