Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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