Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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