Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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