summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
